This past month as I was sharing this particular season in my life (aka getting old and seeing my kids go off with their own lives) and my struggle with it; the tears came naturally.  This group of ladies were there for me to encourage me and to point me to the One that would help me make sense of my circumstances.  I’ve always been sensitive even down right sappy actually, but I did not expect this time of my life to produce such sentimentalism from within. 

The kids have grown and have made their way outside of my nurturing and loving arms, except for Olivia for now.  I have rejoiced with them and have paused for reflection with them when hurdles have presented themselves along their paths.  I have prayed for them endlessly and will continue to do so. Yet, there is nothing like realizing that your kids are no longer yours….and then realizing even more they never really were, they were lent to us from God for a season.

Our children are ours for a very short amount of time.  Parenting no matter how good or bad you are at it eventually ends and we are left with an emptiness that seems insurmountable at times.  Even when our children mature into functional adults who are living their lives to both please God  and to contribute to the society He Providentially places them in, it is difficult to let go of the idea of who they were to us.  So much of us is poured out into them that when that stops it really is mind boggling not to mention heart challenging.

Watching my second son Isaac be sworn into the military this week and saying goodbye to his tearful bride was emotionally challenging for me.  Just two weeks ago when my daughter Olivia’s Dr. suggested I look into a program for independent living arrangements for her the emotional roller coaster had begun, so seeing Ike leave for basic training was just one of the loop de loops on that roller coaster ride.  Seeing on facebook my boys exhange “i love you”‘s was this mother’s answer to prayer, the rush right after the loop de loop if you will.  Wow!

So this is where I am right now.  Although I am being challenged on a daily basis by my emotions I always come back down to the Truth and that is: they were mine for a mere moment and it was one of the sweetest moments I will ever experience but  they are His for eternity and that too is one of the sweetest moments I will experience.  So I will not let my emotions drive the train so to speak, I will let the Truth of God’s word (reality) be the power that moves me forward, and I think I might even try riding this roller coaster with some fervor!  I’ll let go with hands in the air and enjoy the ride.  I’ll let the emotions that I am going through enhance the moment if you will.

Merry Christmas to you all!  This is the time of year when cards and letters fill my mailbox and I actually enjoy going to get the mail!  Thank you all for sending your best wishes to us and filling us in on the happenings of your precious lives!

This year has been very hectic but very lovely too! I thought that a month or two of respite after my graduation a year ago  would be nice… hmmm, oh well maybe another year!  This year later on would be dubbed “the year of events”, with a smile and a sigh of course.

My graduation was the start of the whole shabang, then Olivia’s graduation came and soon on the heels of that fun event was the official opening of The Jonathan Project (a Biblical Counseling Ministry) click here for the website, then off to Lauren’s bridal shower (my house is too small for one of those) and then the big day for Ike and Lauren. How lovely they were and how joyous to have so many of our friends and family at our sides!

 That took us through eight months, but the Lord did not stop there!  Then came the adjustment of Olivia being home full time and helping her settle into a routine that was not school, but not being a couch potato either.  She will begin volunteering at the YMCA soon for a few days a week.  We are hoping this will turn into a small part time job in the near future.  Charles and I traveled to SC for our first national conference for Biblical counseling, what an amazing blessing that was.  A true soaking in of God’s Truth and a desire to be used by Him in the lives of others was reignited.

Soon after that Charles’s oldest, Zach, moved to FL, into ”the pad” to be more specific.  He is enrolled at Daytona State College for the spring and currently looking for part time employment. Then little Miss Miria turned the big ONE!  What a cutie she is!   Her parents (Josh and Megan) are working hard to eventually have a home to call their own.

Where is Brenton in all of this you might ask?  Well, maybe hunting when he’s not working! Seriously, with all of the changes in our lives and the ups and downs that go with them, Charles and I have felt that Brenton has been the one to hold ”steadfastness”  as the banner of truth all year long.  He is a steady force in the family.  His presense brings cohesiveness, clarity and calm to each situation.  Wow, what a really cool eldest he is!

Visits with my sisters and Charles’s, as well as my mom, have been sprinkled throughout. Although it has been a tough year for Mom she remains true to her spirit of “boot strap~ pick yourself up and keep moving” mentality.  She will begin her third round of chemo next week, but says she will not continue if the side effects leave her as debilitated as the last round.  Please keep her in your prayers!  Her girls and son love her dearly and want to have as much time with her as the Lord allows.

The verse I chose to share this year in my cards to all of you is packed with applications for the heart that is open.  “Then the sheperds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, as it was told them.” Luke 2:20 Dear friends and family what a blessing we have to hear and hold the very words of God and to in faith act on them as He wills us to.  What a challenge it is to turn our hearts away from our busy lives and sometimes our very own self-focused mentality, to glorify Him and praise Him with all of our hearts.  To declare to others as we “return” to the busy~ness of life ALL that He has allowed us to see and to hear ….as it was told to us.  God speaks to us and tells us of His mighty love, of the provision for us as sinners in need of a Savior, of His Holy Spirit which comforts and teaches us exactly how to glorify Him.  To whom is He asking you to declare His glory?  Will you sing praises to Him of all he has done, as He said He would?  May God bless you and keep you as you endeavor to declare His glory!

Today is December 7th, a day which has gone down in infamy, as one of our former president’s prophesied it would. However, that was 68 years ago today, when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. Forty years ago today I was a nine year old little girl, one sibling of five, that lost her father. It is still sad to think of my dad and the memories of childhood and adulthood that have been missed with him due to his departure from this earth.
What I do remember is his laugh, his love of fishing, his bringing home the family’s first TV, his love of NASCAR, his tatoo , his holding my baby sister when she came home from the hospital, his strong hands, his watching football on Saturdays, and taking us to church on Sundays, and the Christmas he bought every one of us bicycles . I also remember each one of us loving him like crazy in our own way.
It has been a joy to introduce my children to their grandfather via these memories and photographs that mom has lovingly divided among us. He has been missed but not forgotten!

It is always fulfilling to be reminded of some one’s love for us, even if that person and us are not as close as we used to be.  Or, maybe we are close but life has gotten in the way.  Different paths, different circumstances, sometimes very different responses to life’s similar circumstances.

While I was basking in the love, I came across a not so lovely group of papers. My hand impulsively moved  in the direction of that shredder!  Just as instantly, I realized I was being challenged. I paused for several seconds and realized I was questioning my own genuineness as well as the sincerity of others. 

 I was questioning Providence’s perfect power and love. Hmmm, this event seemed familiar to me.  Almost like a da ja vue, but not quite so vague like :”did this really happen?”  But more of: “I know I have done this before” and then in that pausing, like we all do in a da ja vue it came to me.  The good and the bad, sorting through life’s issues, this is what we do.  We hold on to some and let go of others.  How sad that we immediately want to hang on to the good and throw out the bad as if it never happened at all. 

I love Providence.  I suppose it’s instinctive to try to forget the bad or painful moments of our lives, but they are just as important to us in our sanctification process as the good or positive moments are.  Even the reminders of those times/people can help us to see the hand of Providence and how it has moved to our good and His glory!  This is one of the mysterious ways of God.  Instead of being fearful of this these days I am learning to embrace the mystery as an adventure.

Ah ha!  I have “been there done that”! The last time I was tempted to get rid of those reminders of painful experiences I came across this Scripture:  Ecclesiastes 7:13-14

“Consider the work of God:  For who can make straight what He has made crooked?  In the day of prosperity be joyful.  But in the day of adversity consider: Surely God has appointed the one as well as the other.”

What perfect peace comes from knowing that God is in control of the good the bad and the ugly…He is working through it all to our good and His glory for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)  So the next time you’re tempted to run away from or even shred those reminders of the painful moments/persons in your life consider this “surely God has appointed the one as well as the other”.

That is how I feel when I consider that Olivia is graduated from High School and Ike is getting married in three weeks!  I keep asking myself: And can it be?  This has been a whirlwind three months with one event leading up to the next big event.  Olivia is graduated from high school and has expressed her desire to be “done” with school.  This is more than fine for me and for Charles, but it has put a burden on our hearts to be sure that she is transitioning into the “real world” and that she can be excited to be a participant of it.  She has begun art classes at Studio 308 downtown and we are amazed at her artistic ability.  She loves it and we notice that she comes away very content with her work and herself.  Our hope is that she will participate in music classes as well and be able to secure a part time job come mid August with a nearby preschool/kindergarten class.

Isaac: what is amazing here, is the one child who despised change the most has under gone the most change in the last six months.  He has moved to St. Augustine in order to secure an apartment for he and Lauren once they are married.  It took two months longer to find a job than he had anticipated, but the provision came and he and Lauren are grateful to God for that.  He is doing what I think he does best and that is “mapping things out”.  It must come from his inner desire for things to stay the same….planning helps to ease him into things!  So on the map, he and Lauren will be married in three weeks!  Wow!  After the wedding comes moving Lauren to St. Augustine and helping her to register for her Fall classes at Flagler.  Isaac very much wants to complete his AA before heading off into the Army next Spring, but he will need to do some intense “mapping” over the next month and a half for that to continue to be in his sights.

I love the way that God providentially allows the paths of people to cross  and it always seems to be at just the right time.  This is how we here in the Bennett home see  Lauren Renee Brown.  She is everything a mom could wish for in a daughter in law (to be).  She loves the Lord and sees the world through His eyes and is always willing to adjust her heart to His will.  She has made Isaac’s eyes light up in a way that this mom has not seen for nearly 10 years.  Ike and Lauren truly compliment one another through and through and we look forward to watching them grow in their relationships with the Lord through their marriage.

There is so much more going on in our kids lives right now, but for the moment I just wanted to post about these two recent happenings which have brought us immeasurable joy!

As the client and I were finishing our session and saying goodbye, Charles came in from his office through the back door and announced that Olivia was ill and needed to be picked up from school.  He wasn’t sure if I needed more time thus requiring him to do so or not. 

So off to the school I went to gather up Miss Olivia and thinking, in the car, how I had not seen her since the day before when she was picked up by her dad for their usual Wednedsay afternoon and evening rendevous.  It occured to me that this was about the time I start missing my Livvy every Thursday. I start anticpating seeing her sweet smile as she disembarks from the bus and Molly’s rambuncious greeting as she bounds down the steps and sidewalk to meet her half way.  All this made me smile and actually tear up.  We have come such along way with Olivia and the thought of her not well or ill made my heart swell with gratitude for how far God has brought her. 

At home an hour or so later Charles again came in from the office to check and see how we were doing.  I declared, “Well Livvy is not a very happy camper today.”  To which she replied, “That’s because that shirt is at my dad’s and wasn’t clean, so I couldn’t wear it today.” 

To which Charles and I just looked at each other and smiled and said “We’re so glad you’re home Livvy!” (giggles)

“Ya know,” I began “you are always telling me how you want to do things for yourself because you are a big girl, and that your teachers would be proud of you for doing independent things.  So what’s up?  I think you should practice some of that independence and go get dressed without my tagging along.”  I was so proud of myself for getting all of that out without  another sip of coffee.

After a brief pause Olivia said “Ouch!!”  That was her way of saying that the truth stings.  It seems as though I broke stride that morning and said what was exactly on my mind. Like Kathrine Kelly of You’ve Got Mail,  I’m not usually that sort of person.  I envy people who can do that with grace.  I am an absorber, much like a piece of meat in a crock pot.  However, usually by the time I have absorbed what the other person has said and have thought of a response to it, they have gone on to something else. 

 I have friends in the past that can attest to the fact that too much time goes between words they have spoken and my response to them.  I would like to think that  the longer I absorb the circumstance or situation the more gracious are the words that are chosen, but not always.

When my kids were very young I found myself beating myself up alot emotionally because I had not used my words wisely.  As a young Christian mother I was painfully offended by the offenses of my tongue.   I found a book called “Words That Hurt ~ Words That Heal”.  This book spoke to my heart about not just absorbing and repressing thoughts or words but actually allowing the Holy Spirit to decipher them for me before they slipped out as a  rash response to someone else’s hurtful words.

• Did you know that this week is “Words Matter week”?  I did not until I logged on to a site that I have in my favorites where I go to challenge my writing skills.  So I thought I would take advantage of the opportunity to throw some words together and try to make some meaning with them for the sake of this project(news.naiwe.com) check it out.

The well worn phrase goes; A picture is worth a thousand words.  I’ve always liked that saying because just as much as I like to write and to share my thoughts with words, I love art equally.  From baroque to the classics to the impressionists and even to some of the minimalists, looking at someones else’s view point through their art is magical.   Art tells a story no doubt, whether that be a story about the artist and who they are or the object of the artist’s affections at that moment in time.  It is remarkable how people can look at a piece of art and each one see something different.

As I pondered  the complexity of this vastness, of how one picture can be so many different things to so many different people, it occured to me; the same is really true with words as well.  One word can conjure a thousand images in one’s mind and each person’s mind that receives that word opens themselves up to those images, if they allow.

There are countless times while reading a book that our mind’s eye creates a picture that actually is ever evloving. With every word our mind’s eye applies another shade, texture, shadow, even adding another layer of paint if you will to the pictures being imagined.  Of course if the words are effectual the more lasting the picture becomes in our lives; the more they matter. 

God’s word works miracles upon miracles on the canvas of our soul.  No doubt the mind and the will are engaged, but it is the Spirit of God who takes His words and paints God’s wisdom and knowledge upon our hearts.  It is from here that we get to chose or not chose to act upon what the magnificent artist is creating.

I’m one of those inidividuals that is grateful that words really do matter.  I am even more thankful that God’s words matter the most.  Olivia’s declaration to me of “ouch” that morning further affirmed whether for good or for bad words matter and although they may sting at times to hear or to read they are creating upon our hearts sections of a much bigger picture which Providence deems necessary to complete.

I  am forever grateful for the unconditional love that my husband shows me and for the fact that he always has the greater good in mind (loving me as Christ loved the church) when met with my peculiarities.  He is a wonderful companion on this, my second half of the journey here on earth, and makes me laugh along the trodden way.  although his jokes are extremely corny, it makes me laugh that he is comfortable enough to continue to try  to be funny. His caring heart keeps me passionately in love with him.

Olivia  is forever telling Charles that he is the “most wonderful step dad ever”.  That of course was a gigantic hurdle since we will all be living together for a LOOOONNNNNGGGGGGG time.  Olivia and Charles are a team now; Charles being the best dancer in the family and Olivia being the best singer in the family…I know it takes alot to envision all of that.  Just think American Idol “tryouts”.  Yeah, I hear ya laughing!  You are right it IS that hilarious.

Brenton and Charles are forever discussing their passions with eachother; Food, politics and oh yeah, wine too.  So when he comes to visit the two of them have some very interesting conversations.  Whew, thank goodness they are both conservatives!  Brenton’s heart has heard the call towards his Savior once again and having Charles here to help fan that flame with his knowledge of the Word and his love for those walking in repentance toward God has been a blessing unimagined.

Isaac and Lauren grace our table a few times a week and even put up with playing Phase 10 and Scrabble with us.   We are blessed to have them seek godly counsel when they come to our home and that God has given us the opportunity to forever demonstrate a covenant founded in Christ’s Love. What perfect timing for Isaac and Lauren to be planning their future while we are endeavoring to build ours as well.

Of course the past two years hasn’t been perfect!  We are forever missing Josh, Megan, Zach and now little Miss Miria.  When Charles left Ohio to come to Florida and to marry me we both thought that his boys, even though grown, would always be just a flight away.  ‘Tis still true, however, life has a way of twisting and turning.  Zach has been in love for over a year now with Miss Brittany and committed to building a life there with all that entails (family, friends and jobs).  The same with Josh only he has a bride and a baby to care for which leaves them trying to make ends meet.  All that to say, none of us are making those flights back and forth as we had hoped.  I know Charles misses them greatly and that makes his love for me deeper and richer.  I am forever grateful to Josh and Zach for not having hissy fits when their dad and I began to plan our lives here in Florida vs. ohio.  Thanks guys, I love you both so much (so does your step sister!).

so two years and God willing many many more to come!

Last Spring she was was on that bike everyday that she was with us and she finally took seige of  her weight control!  She was happy, mom and step dad were happy and most importantly Dr. Miller was happy.  Dr. Miller declared victory in our battle to miss the bullet of diabetes.  We were all so thankful. 

While we were still reveling in Olivia’s success and on the heels of my mother’s successful radical surgery to remove cancer from her body Livvy developed the classic Whooping cough.  We still do not know where she picked it up but that crazy thing lasted for three whole months….the entire summer.  Therefore, no bike riding.  Olivia couldn’t even sing in church without it causing her to gasp and cough.  What a disappointment to not be able to take a walk or ride her bike. 

Then school started, the business of her adjusting to that new routine which by the way she was still coughing.  My last semester had arrived along with the PRESSURE of increased internship hours, my mom’s popping in and out of town for chemo treatments, comprehensive exams etc.  To say the least this puppy (being me) was too pooped to play, which would include riding the bike with Liv.  So then December came and the cold came and then just as we were about to get all excited about riding the bike again Olivia took that spill which resulted in a very serious sprain. 

Six weeks later here we are on this glorious day and Olivia is back on her bike!!!!! 

Addendum:  We did a devotion this morning (Sunday) and Olivia thanked God for healing her ankle and making her well enough to ride her bike again.  We are looking forward (enthusiastically in case you could not tell) to many bike rides in our neighborhood.

This morning after a lovely time catching up with Mrs. Pryor http://fancyisfree.blogspot.com/ ,  I got two phone calls.  One from B. Paul letting me know that he was sick with a bad sore throat and thus home recouping.  The other call was from Ike who had taken a ride on his bicycle to see how long of a ride it was to school from his house and was attacked by a large dog which in the end won out.  Ike went down hard and has hurt his arm pretty badly.  He is at home with Brent and they are trying to help one another get back in the grove for tomorrow: work for Brent and a history test then a flight for Ike. 

So, my day was pretty much making chicken noodle soup, bandaging wounds, distributing meds and errand running to obtain anything to make the patients comfortable. Whew….all this has caused me to wonder if an RN degree might have been more suitable for me.    Nahhhhhh!  My role as mother and wife have given me all I need to be a help to all these sick and broken people that I love!