Once a month I meet with a great group of women and we discuss “the read” of the month. We also use this time, however short it is, to share what is on our hearts. How sweet it is to hear from my sisters in Christ and what God is doing in their lives and in their families lives. I know that whenI share my heart with them there is no judgement, no condemnation just sincere interest and heart felt prayers will result.
This past month as I was sharing this particular season in my life (aka getting old and seeing my kids go off with their own lives) and my struggle with it; the tears came naturally. This group of ladies were there for me to encourage me and to point me to the One that would help me make sense of my circumstances. I’ve always been sensitive even down right sappy actually, but I did not expect this time of my life to produce such sentimentalism from within.
The kids have grown and have made their way outside of my nurturing and loving arms, except for Olivia for now. I have rejoiced with them and have paused for reflection with them when hurdles have presented themselves along their paths. I have prayed for them endlessly and will continue to do so. Yet, there is nothing like realizing that your kids are no longer yours….and then realizing even more they never really were, they were lent to us from God for a season.
Our children are ours for a very short amount of time. Parenting no matter how good or bad you are at it eventually ends and we are left with an emptiness that seems insurmountable at times. Even when our children mature into functional adults who are living their lives to both please God and to contribute to the society He Providentially places them in, it is difficult to let go of the idea of who they were to us. So much of us is poured out into them that when that stops it really is mind boggling not to mention heart challenging.
Watching my second son Isaac be sworn into the military this week and saying goodbye to his tearful bride was emotionally challenging for me. Just two weeks ago when my daughter Olivia’s Dr. suggested I look into a program for independent living arrangements for her the emotional roller coaster had begun, so seeing Ike leave for basic training was just one of the loop de loops on that roller coaster ride. Seeing on facebook my boys exhange “i love you”‘s was this mother’s answer to prayer, the rush right after the loop de loop if you will. Wow!
So this is where I am right now. Although I am being challenged on a daily basis by my emotions I always come back down to the Truth and that is: they were mine for a mere moment and it was one of the sweetest moments I will ever experience but they are His for eternity and that too is one of the sweetest moments I will experience. So I will not let my emotions drive the train so to speak, I will let the Truth of God’s word (reality) be the power that moves me forward, and I think I might even try riding this roller coaster with some fervor! I’ll let go with hands in the air and enjoy the ride. I’ll let the emotions that I am going through enhance the moment if you will.
